Observations on Human Behavior
Mike "BD" Brannan - Newsletter Editor (Ex-Oficio)
1. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the batteries are getting weak?
2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in the account?
3. Why will someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks if you throw a revolver at him?
8. Why did Kamikaze pilots bother wearing helmets?
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator? Do they think that something new to eat will have suddenly materialized?
14. Why will people keep running over a string a dozen times with a vacuum cleaner, and then reach down, pick it up, examine it, and toss it back down? To give the vacuum one more chance?
15. Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
16. How do dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
17. When you are in the supermarket, if someone bangs your ankle with a shopping cart, why do you say, "It's all right?" Why wouldn't you say, "Hey, that hurt, you stupid idiot?"
18. Why is it that whenever you try to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
19. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
20. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?
21. And obviously, if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!
22. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Just think of your three best friends. If they seem okay, then it's you.